Monday, March 29, 2010

Free Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich - (Allegedly) Via Text Messages

Regular reader Chris Norton (you may know him from his Speedo Tour) just informed us about an Arby's text message freebie. He heard you can text "curly" to 27297 for a free regular roast beef sandwich - no purchase necessary.

Of course we immediately test drove this offer out. Indeed. when we texted 'curly' to 27297 we got a response asking for our zipcode to receive a free regular roast beef sandwich. We texted back our zipcode - however instead of the free sandwich we were informed to "show this text message to the counter staff at any Arby's and we would receive a free small shake. Free shakes are a good thing - but it seems Arby's cannot seem to deliver what they promise.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Doritos Burn Chips & Pepsi Cease Fire Live Mobi Sample & Review From Yancy - (Episode One Is Above The Text Post)

We will let the edisodes speak for themselves. We respect Yancy's authority. Strongly urge you to watch them in order for most info - each is 30 seconds long.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

B2 Pizza Hut Bender - Live Mobi Post

Our good friend B2 posted with us live via mobi device:

TEAM FPT: will you talk about it?
TEAM FPT: reveal stuff?
B2mobi: from pizza hut
B2mobi: large pizza with garlic parmasean chicken bonelss
TEAM FPT: rank it
TEAM FPT: 1-10 scale
TEAM FPT: wait for it....
B2mobi: well the chicken was - 7
B2mobi: kinda salty
TEAM FPT: the pizza chicken?
B2mobi: no pizza was pepperoni, sausage, olive, onions
B2mobi: mushrooms
B2mobi: it was good, lots of crust though
B2mobi: and cheesy breadsticks
B2mobi: pretty tasty
TEAM FPT: what was first pic of?
B2mobi: boneless chicken
B2mobi: garlic/parm
TEAM FPT: oh wait
TEAM FPT: im confusables
TEAM FPT: the chicken was a seperate dish?
TEAM FPT: sauced over?
B2mobi: yes
TEAM FPT: im feelin that
B2mobi: seperate
B2mobi: appetizer
TEAM FPT: how bad was the wallet damage?
B2mobi: and cheesy bread sticks
B2mobi: it was $30 with a tip
B2mobi: delivery
TEAM FPT: hmmmm im gonna do some math.

Mongo's Mongologues #13 - Vodka, Gin, Martinis & Sweater Melons - Now With Audio Enabled Animated Narration & Pics!

We are now proud to offer our ongoing series of articles "Mongo's Mongologues" with not only excellent images for you to view, but also an audio enambled animated "read aloud" of the actual post itself. Many thanks to our friend whom drifts around the Oregon coast foe his help on this amazing new media addition.

Mongo's Mongologue #13: Vodka, Gin, Martinis & Sweater Melons

Dear Scrotilias,
Thank you for your warm comments relative to MM #12 (California Bloody Mary Mix a la Mongo). I was happy to see that one of our staunch supporters here at the FPT, skep, enjoyed my recipe for the most delectable Bloody Mary mix known to Buddha, Chute Beast, FP, e, and kiwi.

In MM #12 I discussed adding vodka to taste, having concocted such a wonderful mix. Today, we shall discuss the damage-controlling component of a Bloody Mary, vodka, as well as other libations.I recently had a PM (not that kind of PM) from one of our readers regarding the use of a vodka named 42 Below in a California Bloody Mary a la Mongo. I have researched this matter in earnest.

42 Below is a vodka distilled in New Zealand. The name comes from the fact that New Zealand is below the forty-second parallel. It is reputed to be the best vodka in New Zealand. Having said, let us discuss vodka, how it is made, and the true premium brands. There are many misconceptions about vodka. Most of our readers here at the FPT undoubtedly believe that the true premium brands are made from potatoes. This notion is false. The next time you are getting demo'd on vodka from any purveyor, take a look at the bottle and note the ingredients. The bottle will say that the content is comprised of "Grain neutral spirits."

Well, what the funk does that mean?

IaM explain:
While it is true that Pollocks (members of the tribe from Poland) made vodka from potatoes, they did so out of mere convenience. "Grain Neutral Spirits" means that the purveyor took any cheap-ass grain; wheat, most commonly; and made their mash therefrom.

The way vodka is made is one takes any cheap-ass grain and ferments it. One then distills this mix to make fire-water. One brings this to approximately 180 proof. It is chemically impractical to take the distillate further. These facts have been confirmed by a consultant to the FPT, Greg, who has a Master's degree in Chemistry from the University of Michigan. (Unlike my previous analyst who went to the University of California, Davis; the geneticist who selectively bread the wamagranate; this scientist actually exists).

Thus, we see that the genesis of vodka is essentially pure alcohol. One then cuts this to the desired strength with water. Our intelligent readers here at the FPT will therefore understand that a "fine" vodka can be as easily made in Compton as in Warsaw.

Vodka is vodka. I will challenge any FPT reader to a shot contest wherein such reader claims to be able to tell the difference between Smirnoff and Compton Select.

Having discussed these essentials, we note that vodka is not aged. Although time does not allow for the discussion of rum, we will now discuss another un-aged spirit, gin.

Many of our readers here at the FPT are of WT heritage and adore the quintessential martini. Let us briefly discuss the matter...Gin is also an un-aged spirit. Unlike vodka, there are actually differences in the premier brands. When a WT refers to a "dry" gin, he refers to a gin that does not contain many "flowery" ingredients. The essential ingredient in gin is the juniper berry. However, many quality brands include other tasty morsels, such as the caraway seed; e.g. Bombay.

To make an excellent martini, one merely has to go to Bill's liquor, buy a pint of quality gin, go into the parking lot, and power. That is what is known as an "extremely dry" martini. However, if one of you derelicts actually has a date, and might want to lick a boob, one might find himself in a restaurant. In this event, one must trust the bartender to make a dry martini.When we discussed a "dry" martini, we are talking about the lack of vermouth. The classic martini from about a hundred years ago was two parts gin to one part dry vermouth. But, we are Americans (most of us) and we know what works. Vermouth sucks. Vermouth is a fortfied wine, the composition of which is beyond today's babble.

If you find yourself in a restaurant, wanting to meet some sweet sweater melons, but you're trashed and notice that the sweater melons in front of you is of the largess, so you want to get really trashed before you make your move, take this advice from IaM:

Ask the bartender for a dry Beefeater martini. He will more than likely use just a flash of dry vermouth. He will mix the Beefeater in a stainless steel container over ice. He will then add a spanish olive. As an aside, the only difference between a martini and a gibson is that a gibson contains a cocktail onion instead of an olive. This writer always prefers the gibson.

This columnist must apologize for the lengthy exposition above. This was supposed to be a primer on hard booze. In the next column, I will discuss the aged spirits; namely, bourbon, rye, scotch and whiskey.

Sincerely, IaM

Mini-Moo's by Land O' Lakes

Team FPT is a big fan of Land O' Lakes dairy products - especially their butter. We found this cool little condiment sized creamer at a local maxi-mart and thought it was just pretty cool. Picture was taken on the fly with a MOBI device - we apologize for the quality - but we wanted to share this with our readers.

For those not familiar, there is a HUGE backstory regarding their Native American women logo. New staffer Chet is working up a post on this right now - check back soon for a truly mysterious and intriguing post on this.

Flavorite Ju-Ju Fish Crusty Issues Alert

This is now the 3rd time we have begun consuming a bag of Flavorite brand Ju-Ju Fish to find that there are crusty areas upon one of the ju-ju fish inside the bag. If you look closely at the demo picture above, one can see the white crusted area along the edges of said ju-ju fish.

Albertson's recently switched it's line of budget gummy candies from their previous maker, which we never had any issues, to this new Flavorite brand. If you do partake in the Flavorite brand candies, we suggest a visual inspection of your feedbag. If you discover anything unusual, please contact ASAP so our readers can know.

Pre-Bender Beverage Recommendations

Team FPT wants to take a moment to remind our readers that when beginning a food bender, make sure you have procurred many beverages to accompany your feedbags. Staying hydrated is always important. Above is what we recommend - quantity wise for a 24-36 hour bender.

Friday, March 19, 2010

SpongeBob SquarePants - Gummy Krabby Patties - Maybe No Longer Available

Team FPT stumbled upon this fine offering by pure chance while visiting a Hollywood Video store that was closing down. We scored them at 50% off of the regular price of $1.79 - for .90 cents.

Really enjoyed these - they were packaged as little burgers with individual gummy layers - but you eat them all in one bite like a (real) Krabby Patty!

After chomping these down - we looked closer at the box as it had some sort of contest promotion upon it. Upon reading the contest info more closelier, it had closed on March 1, 2010. Then when we looked even more closelier, we saw that the candy had also passed the expiration date stamped on the box. Having allready eaten and enjoyed them, we kept thinking positive as we did not want to come up sic like our friend James McQuarters. Everything turned out fine - no stomachal issues.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Corned Beef Brisket - LIVE MOBI POST

MOBI: topical pic, corned beef brisket
MOBI: tis the day ya know
FPT: yesterday
FPT: today
FPT: im so confusables
MOBI: i did not know that pastrami is corned beef
MOBI: amazing
MOBI: but the brisket turned out nice
FPT: decent
MOBI: oven baked at 350 for 2.5 hours
MOBI: interior temp of 180
FPT: slow and steady
FPT: now mafer ready
FPT: smells good?
FPT: how big?
MOBI: 2lbs
MOBI: smelled really bad raw, like rancid spam or something
MOBI: got better in the oven within 20minutes
FPT: yikes

Wendy's Spicy Chicken Nuggets - LIVE M-POST

Mobi: I have an announcement: Wendy's spice chicken nuggets are pretty good.
Mobi: oops I mean spicy
FPT: hot spicy?
FPT: or flavor spicy?
FPT: talk about it
Mobi: like, hot spicy
FPT: can you provide a feller jpgs of such nuggets?
Mobi: they're quite flavorful
FPT: anything else to say?
FPT: cost?
Mobi: A FANTASTIC Value at 99 cents
FPT: nice price
FPT: dippin sauces?
Mobi: oh yes, I would suggest the sweet and sour sauce
Mobi: and if you're feeling overly indulgent, I'd go with TWO orders

Cheetos Mighty Zingers - Ragin' Cajun & Tangy Ranch - New Offering!

Out on a TEAM FPT shopping junket, we found these in a weird location inside the market. As you may know we are big fans of the Cheetos here at the FPT test kitchens (which are 500 feet underground). Immediately, we thought back to our earlier post where we had the 'way too hot' Habanero flavor cheetos and how we mixed them with regular Cheetos and made an eatable blend.

This is the idea we promoted 2 weeks ago, a cool ranch to temper the hot cajun spices. This mix seems to work pretty well, you get to savor both flavors and cand handpick out single flavors for heat control. The shiny reflective bag is a little too much - thats why the mobi media is a little below our usual standards. Overall - nice new offering from Cheetos, we recommend you try these ma's out.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Reader Comes Up Sic After Eating A Jimmy Johns Sandwich - Billings, Montana

Our good friend Mr. James McQuarters, seemd to be a little off yesterday when we spoke to him - after a little prodding he revealed the following:

"Last week I ate at Jimmy John's. I have had the #14 before which is turkey , roast beef and cheese (it comes with tomatoes but I leave those off). My wife and I noted that the roast beef seemed VERY red. Much more red than normal, as stated we've had it before. I ate the entire sandwich and later that night I could not sleep, my stomach hurt so bad..this was Thursday night last week and I still don't feel right.

The sandwich stats:
"Roast beef, turkey breast, lettuce, tomato, & mayo. An American classic, certainly not invented by J.J. but definitely tweaked and fine-tuned to perfection!"

We feel Mr. McQuarters pain and hope he gets well soon - and we also respect his authority. If anyone else has had a similar experience please contact TEAM FPT.

The google earth photo above is where this New Jimmy John's is now located.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Pepsi Cease Fire - Doritos Burn Teammate

Yes, you may have seen our review last weeek of the new BURN line of Doritos chips where we complained of a need of something to quench the lingering fire in our mouths. Apparently, that was allready covered and we missed this.

Pepsi now has a limited time Burn Doritos teammate with its Cease Fire cola. This offering allegedly will stop the pain that these BURN chips can cause your tongue and mouth. We have aquired a 2-liter jug and will test this out soon.

Hopefully will be a different experience than before - "Not prepared - we had no water or anything handy to mitigate the heat damage to our mouthes from just one chip. Upon getting beverage as quickly as possible - we realized this was not enough to mask the lingering burn in our mouthes. We turned to eating Mini-Charleston Chews and anything that might calm the fire mouth feeling. It took an average of 10 minutes of eating, drinking and teeth/mouth brushing to get our mouthes and tongue back to a normal state." - previous post on FPT.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Mongo's Mongologues #12: Classic Packard, Vons Market, Asparagus & Sirloin Steak BBQ

Dear FPT readers,
Thank you for your comments relative to my most recent post to this forum - The Bloody Mary a la Mongo. If you will recall, I mentioned in that post that there would presently be an exposition upon hard booze, per se.

Lest we disappoint our readers here at the FPT, leave it to say that IaM has been vigorously researching the subject of hard booze, and the exposition discussed above is forthcoming. In the meantime, may I share with you Saturday with IaM?

My favorite purveyor of foodstuffs, Vons, had a sale on Top Sirloin steak for $1.99 a pound. Therefore, I washed my balls and chute, got in the Mongomobile, and hoofed it on over. As an aside, my favorite Vons is on the corner of Sunset and Virgil, in Hollywood. On the way, IaM happened upon an American classic. I happened to have my camera with me, so I took a shot. In the first photograph, you will see a Packard. I'm not an expert on cars, but I would say that is about a 1954.

In any case, I rolled over to Vons and took advantage of their sale on Top Sirloin steaks. In the second photograph, our readers will see the fruits of my travels. Our readers may not know that asparagus is now in season. While at Vons, I picked up a pound for $0.78. That is an excellent price. Having collected these delectable foodstuffs, IaM hoofed it on back to the Mongo Cage, busted out the mesquite, and got rocking.

As one can see in the following photograph, it is perfectly appropriate to cook asparagus on the grill. It goes perfectly with grilled Top Sirloin, as the next photograph shows. Again, this columnist believes in the benefits of anti-junk food, and the health benefits derived therefrom. It is an honor to write for this esteemed publication, and I hope you enjoyed my most recent babble.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

NEW: Doritos Cheeseburger Flavor - Late Night All Nighter Edition

The staff was quite happy to stumble upon these Cheeseburger Doritos yesterday on a routine shopping mission. As our previous posts show, we have mostly enjoyed the "Late Night" line of flavors - which makes us wonder if this new "All-Nighter" tag is a spin-off or a whole new line of future flavors?

Regardless, these are truly excellent - great chesseburgererie flavor. Whomever is the "mix-master" that created this flavor is, we offer him thanks and we also respect his authority.

Team FPT is happy to fully encourage you to grab some of these and dig in to them.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

World's Biggest Gumball Machine?

Thanks to reader Veronica for this very cool photo seen above. This gumball machine can be found inside of Fry's Electronics. She tells the FPT that it is app. 5 feet tall - and the base is app. 3.5 feet wide (probably built that way to house all the change it gets fed).

Doritos: First, Second, & Third Degree Burn Chips - Jalapeno, Buffalo Sauce & Habanero

Doritos has launched a sizzling new line of HOT chips - and they are labeled appropriately. They come in 3 degrees of "Burn" - First Degree Burn Blazin' Jalapeno, Second Degree Burn Buffalo Sauce & Third Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero.

Long time staffer Franklin spotted these new chips on a coffee run and made the common mistake of thinking that 3rd degree burn means was the bottom of the scale with 1st degree burns being the hottest. Actually, as you may know - it is the exact opposite.

Team FPT sat down at our roundtable and we all tried one chip each from the 3rd Degree Burn Doritos bag he had bought for us. Not prepared - we had no water or anything handy to mitigate the heat damage to our mouthes from just one chip. Upon getting beverage as quickly as possible - we realized this was not enough to mask the lingering burn in our mouthes. We turned to eating Mini-Charleston Chews and anything that might calm the fire mouth feeling. It took an average of 10 minutes of eating, drinking and teeth/mouth brushing to get our mouthes and tongue back to a normal state.

These chips are for the truly hardcore heat people - we could not and did not want another of these 3rd degree burn chips. You think you can handle these - if you cant find them locally in your region, the FPT is offering to send anyone two of these chips for free to try. We have 2/3 of a bag sitting here and no one on the staff is interested in going thru all that again. Email us for your free 2 chip sample via regular mail.

Monday, March 08, 2010

Buffalo Bill's Casino Buffet - Locals Secret! - MOBI report by Blak2oof

Mobi Report from B2:

I found a great hidden secret in Primm, Nevada....The Buffalo Bill's Casino mini burger bar in side the buffet. I usually eat once a week at Buffalo Bill's buffet. It is by far the best of the 3 buffets in Primm. They usually have the same ol' stuff, salad bar, roast beef carving station, mashed potatoes, lasagna, fish, etc....This time around, in a buffet station all by its self was the mini burger bar.

The mini burger bar consisted of mini beef and breaded chicken patties, jo-jo potatoes, and mini hamburger buns. On the fixins' side of the bar, there was tomatoes, onions, lettuce, cheese, etc. I made myself a double cheese mini burger, and topped it off with a few jalapenos from the salsa bar. I added a side of macaroni salad, one of my other favorites at Buffalo Bill's Buffet. It gave my meal a BBQ kind of feel.

I have to admit, the price of the buffet may not be worth just the mini burger bar....dinner buffet can be over $14 on the weekends. Luckily for me, my meals are always comped in Primm. I added a picture of the mini burger next to a salt shaker to show its size.

St. Patrick's Day - Rehearsal Dinner!

Faith n' Begorrah, FPT --

We enjoyed an early St. Patrick's Day courtesy of our good Irish friends. Attached are two pictures for your viewing pleasure. The first is of our delicious Corned Beef and Cabbage dinner which was served, of course, with a proper Irish beverage; and the second is a sampling of our Mickey's Big Mouth cap puzzles.

We figured them all out except the last..."

May the road rise to meet you,

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Mongo Mongologues #10: He Returns - With Bloody Mary Recipe Blabber!

Dear FPT readers,
I heard through the grapevine that some of you actually wondered where the hell I am and what the hell I'm up to. I also heard that some of you have requested new recipes from IaM. Well, let's get down to basics, first. I am alive and well. Dr. Sundaram will confirm this. I have been staying away a bit from The Big Fish (a dive bar that serves Coors Light on tap) because Glendale PD has been scouring the area, trying to keep derelicts like I am out of their city. Otherwise, all is essentially well.

Today, we will not discuss lamb or the other white meat. Nor will we discuss beef, or the cuts therefrom. Today, we will discuss booze. As some of our readers know, I rarely touch hard booze. But, I am an expert. I tended bar for some time. I would like to impart to my readers the best recipe for a Bloody Mary known to God, FP and e, with a California twist no less.

The best way to enjoy a Bloody Mary is to prepare correctly. This normally involves going out to a dive bar on Saturday night and getting totally lit. Then, come morning, one needs to do some damage control. This is where the Bloody Mary a la Mongo can come in handily. The best recipe for Bloody Mary mix that I have ever tasted was at the dinner house at which I worked.

When making Bloody Mary mix, one must first keep in mind the "does and don'ts." On the "do" side, one should start with Glorietta tomato juice. One can substitute with Campbell's, but Glorietta is the best.One must add Lea and Perrins. Do not substitute from this brand. Our knowledgeable connoisseurs will then add lime juice, celery salt, and pepper.

On the "don't" side, we here at the FPT strongly discourage the use of Tabasco sauce. Yes, it does provide a quick source of spiciness. However, the vinegar therein always leaves a bad taste in our readers' palates. We also discourage the use of regular pepper. Tantamount, we here at the FPT insist that a proper Bloody Mary does not contain MSG. MSG is a cheap fix and not good for the health of our readers.

Those are the basics. Now, here is the best recipe I have ever tasted. This is an institutional sized recipe, but can be cut back to size. Take a one-gallon glass jar. This is important because glass does not impart flavour to the mix ("flavour" for our overseas friends). Add two large cans of Glorietta tomato juice. Add one can of Campbell's Beef Broth (do not ever substitute). This is also extremely important for the reason that you will probably be hurting when you request a Bloody Mary, and beef broth injects some food into the equation. Add one small bottle of Lea and Perrins. Again, do not substitute. Add one and a half ounces of lime juice. Lemon juice is a decent substitute. Add a tablespoon of celery salt. Now comes the trick. How will this mix be spicey? Add one tablespoon of black, cracked pepper. This gives the mix a beautifully spicey taste without the taste of vinegar. Having thrown all of the ingredients into your glass jar, there is one more secret: One must let the mix sit for at least a half a day. This allows the full flavour of the cracked pepper to permeate the mix. Oh, yea... Don't forget to shake the ingredients well before you stash the mix in the 'fridge. Oh, fuck, I almost forgot the garnishments. Garnish this delectable damage-controlling cocktail with a celery stick, a lime wedge, and a fully cooked shrimp. Add vodka to taste (the subject of vodka shall be expounded upon in a subsequent edition of the FPT).

I hope you enjoy this excellent cocktail.


Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Ice Cube Tray Spikes - Another FPT Reader Has Unusual Encounter!

Here we have another set of photos sent via email from an FPT reader. The mystery of these continues. Some have argued global warming. Until our friend Yancy sends us the results of his algorithims on this we are not taking a stance.

Wild Habanero Cheetos - Way Too Hot

As you regular readers know, Team FPT likes hot & spicy snacks. We were excited when new front office staffer Janet suprised us with a bag of this new Wild Habanero flavor from Cheetos.

Upon choming down our first handful - we were all gasping for water. These are hot - way way hot - even too hot for us. We could not eat these - even with water nearby. In our confused state - Janet came up with the perfect solution. She had noticed we were working a normal bag of Cheetos on a side shelf. We mixed them 50/50 and found that to be a nice hot spicy do-able mix. Try this move - let us know how it turns out for you.

Monday, March 01, 2010

We Support Girl Scouts! Buy Those Cookies People! - Even The Smelly Ones - They Are OK.

Regular mobi contributor Chris Norton to the FPT sent us a reminder photo to support the Girl Scouts! We could not agree more.

What is ironic is after we received this pic - there was a fax sent to us regarding that some of the cookies were found to be "smelly" but safe to eat. Turns out the maker used a cheap oil that broke down too quick and they are recalling these.

Big Mama Pickled Sausages - Anyone Tried Em?

This were captured on a mobi device by a friend of the FPT. Yancy - You may know him, he is a good common man and he makes stuff happens/solves problems.

We generally dont throw in with discount counter-display mini-sausages. These need your help - has anyone been man enough to power one of these?

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