The Bender Royale

When the staff here at the Fat Pride Times went home on Friday, we were not aware that one of our people had plans to stay behind. The FPT Test Kitchens are located 500 feet below the Earth's crust and are locked and sealed tight when we are away. This meant that our (former) staff member was down in the kitchens all weekend gorging on our stock of foodstuffs. Two of us showed up this morning to open up and we heard some strange grunts and like wrapper crumplin noise - then we saw 'Dave' running away and up the metal rungs out into the morning air. He left behind a disturbing note on which we are going to have to terminate his empoyment here (with due cause). Plus, as the photo shows. Ol' Chunky left behind a mad pile of rubbish from his bender. We all here wish him well and hope he gets the meds he needs asap.