Condiment Creations - Sauce 12 of 20

Late the other night in the FPT test kitchens, we were having some tater-tots (4 large bags between us) and we needed serious sauce plates. It struck someone that we should mix the Heinz Ketchup with the Lawrys Baja Chipotle Marinade. They were absolutely right. We did infact create this new combo condiment and also documented such with photos. However, this pre-mix photo is all we can find at this moment. We are still proud to endorse this condiment-combo and suggest you give it a try or create your own and contact us with the info for publishing!

U.S. Air Force Military Meal - Nice Plate For Our Fighting Men

One of our fine readers from the U.S. Air Force sent us a mobi media pic and quote: "It was good".

(Sante fe chicken with potatoes, peas, & carrots. Cherry cobbler & cocola)

Awesome Canadian Potato Chips Flavors - From Rookie Mobi Reporter J. Knecht

Please welcome our newest Mobi Reporter - John Knecht from Canada. He contacted a mutual friend of Team FPT and put something together for us to show you that is truly awesome. We did know that in Canada they offer some interesting chip flavors. We have heard of "Zesty Mordant & Dressed All Over" - among others. Thanks to John, we realize what we have been missing and are assembling an international travel team to acquire cases of the chips he mobi-photoed.

Picture is a screen shot of the actual active page - click below to view the big pics - no logins or anything - just click and WOW.

To quote John:
"My first contribution to FPT. I'm hoping this consistent with what is expected from a mobi contributor" - (No worries John - You nailed it solid!). Why can't we get chip flavours like this in the U.S.? I'm getting tired of the classic BBQ... I couldn't resist the Buffalo Wings & Blue Cheese and they rocked".

Click Here For John's Awesome Chips Gallery

Amazing Food Finds: The Coffee Tanker Truck - From Barnabus

Our friend Barnabus (professional Oregon Coast drifter) was off entertaining his wanderlust when he spotted this bad-boy and used his mobi-device to capture this intriguing photograph.

Nobody here has ever seen anything like it - and we are very confusables. Is this just an advertisement painted on, or is this bad boy hauling what may one of the largest coffee brews there has ever been?

Oreo Blizzard Cookies: A Closelier Look

As promised here is a tight close-up of the New Limited Time Oreo/Dairy Queen Blizzard partnership cookies.
They taste really good after about 11pm.

Oreo Blizzard Cookies - Limited Time Offering With Dairy Queen

Around the FPT test kitchens Oreos are not disliked, but we never seem to have any around. However, staffer Jenni found these "Limited Edition" Blizzards and WOW. We are liking these the white stuff actually has some body and flavor - definately grab 2 bags if you see them. We got ours for 2/5.00 - the nice price!

Sorry Mobi-Media issues with open-cookie picture - working on this as you read.

KFC 70th Anniversary Fried Chicken Special Meal/Bucket Deals

Our good friend Tomas D. received a mailer with some pretty impressive savings on KFC meals & buckets and volunteered to try a few of them and present a mobi-media report for us. Now this KFC bender stretches from a Sunday to the following Wednesday AM.

Sunday afternoon, Tomas enjoyed the chicken strips meal pictured above for only 3.99 - not too bad. However, the 'fake' butter and honey 'sauces' were a true letdown. That evening, having been on a bender, he opted to use the 5.99 for 7 pieces bucket coupon and visited again - twice in like 6 hours. Tomas managed to eat 4 or maybe 5 of these original recipe pieces, then power-napped and in his hypno-sleep gave the leftovers to a neighbor on a fogwalk.

Monday passed uneventful - however Tuesday PM Tomas found himself driving by the KFC and remembered the clerk gave him back the coupon to use again - which is pretty cool all around! Snatching up another 7 piece bucket, Tomas went home and ate 5 pieces, saving 2 for grub in the AM as he had an early awakening set. Upon returning home Tuesday AM he managed to gorge the kast two down and pass back out.

Let us do the math here people:

4 Chicken Strips
Taters & Gravy
Biscuit with fake sauces
12 pieces original recipe chicken

Time Period: 63 hours

Most priders would laugh and this and say get me another bucket. But something went teribly wrong for Tomas. His gut clenched up and he could not float his snakes properly. Basically he lied in bed for 3 days - finally passing the end of it Saturday morning.

Now Tomas can hold his own when it comes to quantity eating - we watched him eat a whole spiraled ham at the staff X-mas party. How much KFC should one eat and in what time period? This question remains unanswered. Maybe it wasn't the chicken? Anyone care to share any similar bird-bender tales?

Yancy's Post 8 - Doritos Flavors Collision Event Press Conference

Making a rare appearance, our food friend Yancy hald a press conference today to give a de-briefing of his Doritos Collisions event and field questions from the media reps who attended.

To the best of our knowledge, he now holds the World Record for flavored chips collisions. Just another notch in the belt of a well-rounded common man.

New Domino's Pizza Recipe - They Made Their Pizza Better So We Should Buy A Shirt From Them?

Certainly most of you readers have seen the latest Domino's Pizza advertising campaign where they admit they made crap pizza in the past and now offer a better improved product. We respect their honesty about making crap pizza in the past - but we have not tried this 'alleged' new more better pizza they are making.

As you can see in the photo above of an ad in a nationwide newspaper - they also claim to have beaten Pizza Hut & Papa John's in a taste test. Great. But they also want you to buy their gear - 14.95 for a hat and 12.95 for a shirt.

Do we need to break this down any further to see how wrong this is (in our opinion). They should be give-aways or contest/customer promos or shot out of tubes at MLB games. Asking the consumer to fork over 14.95 for a hat declaring Domino's Pizza the best - after serving crapcan pizza for 10+ years, TEAM FPT believes is in poor taste.

Blues, Brews, and BBQ festival at Snowshoe Mountain Resort

New sharp media report from Etathed, our "Mountain Folk" embedded reporter in West Virginia:

"Here is some media from the Blues, Brews, and BBQ festival at Snowshoe Mountain Resort this past weekend. This fest features over 30 different beers to sample and tons of BBQ plates to enjoy - USA!"

Tater-Tot Takedown 2010

This year's Tater Tot Takedown is a rumble between FPT staffer Mel and regular contributor B2. As you can read a few posts down, this year's event was very competitive with both sides talking some serious trash. Each party was allowed to introduce one additional 'thing' edible or not to the tater tot plate. Well it is time to deliver and here we go.

PLEASE take a moment and vote for your pick of the two via the poll found on the right side of your browser. No holds barred match.

First up is the challenger B2: "I started with premium Ore-Ida Tater Tots. Cooked them at 450 degrees for 20 minutes. Tots where then topped with a shredded Mexican 4 cheese blend and baked for another 5 minutes. For those who did not know. Ore-Ida is short for Oregon-Idaho"

Reigning champ Mel offered up the dish below with this commentary: "These Ore-Ida brand Tater Tots were oven-baked to perfection on a slab of aluminum foil. Upon pulling them out of the oven at the exact perfectly glowing crispy time, I had to float one off so I used the foil to make a solid almost sealed oven-ball which kept them nice and hot when I returned app. 6 minutes later".

Yancy 8-Flavor Doritos Collisions Post Event Press Conference & De-Briefing

Yancy has informed the FPT staff that within the next 48 hours he will indeed be having a press conference to talk about and show the leftovers from his epic event (which is video watchable if you scoll down).

He has invited a number of people from the media and will be taking questions on his podium and unlike the videos there will be bright light - as the photo above shows.

Panda Express Fortune Cookie Dilemma

As shown above, we have a still sealed fortune cookie from Panda Express. However, it is crushed into 100+ fragments and is perhaps a month old. Does this void the fortune? We are not sure how to proceed from this point. Any help via comments much appreciated.

Tater-Tots Takedown 2010

Its that time of year again - we are excited about our 3rd annual Tater-Tots Takedown contest where a reader attempts to best the FPT test kitchens in a "no holds barred" cookoff. The match will be held this weekend with both photos posted for you to vote on

This year B2 is up against Team FPT and yesterday at the weigh-in there was a lot of smack talked:

Team FPT: what you got
B2: tot or not
Team FPT: my tots so tasty - strippers lose their pasties
Team FPT: my tots so tight - foos eat em all night
Team FPT: your tots so weak - make a genuis freak
B2: i got tots - for robots and gobots
Team FPT: your tots got tuned down by the 99cent store
Team FPT: (turned)
B2: your tots are so soggy - look like the been cooked by a froggy
Team FPT: damn
Team FPT: i want to eat your children
B2: my tots are crispy - like agatha christy
B2: my tots are tight - like dolomite
Team FPT: when the game is on - my tots are quickly gone
B2: my tots are tight - like afternoon delight
Team FPT: during the tot battle - you will be up shit river aint havin no paddle
B2: my tots are on point - like a 3 paper joint
Team FPT: tots from an amateur - end up under the furniture
Team FPT: watch my tater tots shine - like my desk is pine
B2: your tots are weak - like dontes peak
Team FPT: your tots are not
B2: your tots are lame - like a 8 bit nintendo game
Team FPT: your tots are tasting sour - mine have the USA power
Team FPT: your tater tots are so greasy - i cooked my bird in the oil drippins

MOBI MEDIA: 8 Flavor Doritos Collisions - 2nd Degree Burn, 3rd Degree Burn, Sweet Thai Chili, Tailgater BBQ, Stadium Nacho, Sour Cream, & Enchilada

Yancy did manage to self-film himself on this unusual attempt at what we believe to be the World's Record for variety of chips in a "state of collusion". Watch as he mixes the eight flavors, then shows off his custom made bag - which will be auctioned for charity in September. Yes, you also get to watch as he gives them a sample taste armed with a bottle of Pepsi Cease-Fire soda.

Doritos Collisions: Custom 8 Flavor Chip Bag From Our Friend Yancy

The always eccentric Yancy has topped himself yet again. Inspired by Doritos Collisions chips - which feature 2 chip flavors in one bag - Yancy took this concept up a notch and mixed 8 Doritos flavors together to form a multi-tier chip collision bag. The custom made and labeled bag is to be admired as well.

Yancy combined eequal portiions of the following into one large serving:

2nd Degree Burn Doritos
3rd Degree Burn Doritos
Sweet Thai Chili Doritos
Tailgater BBQ Doritos
Mr. Dragon's Doritos
Stadium Nacho Doritos
Cheesy Enchilada Doritos
Sour Cream Doritos

To the best of our knowledge this is the World's Record for Chips Collusions. Many thanks to Yancy and his efforts - the last we heard from him he was 1/2 way thru the 8 flavor chip bag.

Regular FPT Poster Tells Of His Encounter With "Herr's Gone Wild"

Regular contributor - Etathed - sent us this message and media pack today sounding disturbed and very concerned:

Just picked up this massive jug of Herr's Jalapeno Popper Cheese curls. They were a reduced price and a Prider Sized. Despite the experation date being 6 days away... something is very wrong with these. Very Wrong. They have a horrible chemical like taste and smell. Almost something like a glue like taste. The only way i can describe it is "contaminated." At first i thought it was just a horrible attempt at jalapeno popper flavoring, but no this is "on top" of the flavoring. Horrible Horrible Horrible! If you see this giant tub of Herrs Jalapeno Popper cheese curls I would advise not getting them.

The Fat Pride Times is always leary of deeply discounted pricing on foodstuffs. While we respect Etathed's authority - the FPT has not taken an official stance on this concern - we have the jar being sent to us overnight via Fed-Ex for examination in our 500 foot underground test kitchens.

Mongo's Mongologues #22: AM Food & Fun At The Rustic Inn, Los Angeles

The FPT is proud to present another installment from our friend I am Mongo:

Dear FPT readers,
I know that it has been some time since I have graced the wonderful pages of the FPT. But, college football season will be upon us presently. Therefore, I thought I should get on it and share with our friends at the FPT how to properly enjoy a Saturday in Los Angeles during college football season.

For those who only casually watch college football, please allow IaM to give you a primer:

The USA Today/Coaches poll was realeased yesterday. Alabama is ranked number one. Ohio State is ranked number two. Oklahoma is ranked number eight. USC and Michigan are not ranked.

In any event, we are not here today to discuss football; we discuss delectible foodstuffs here. In this regard, we refer to the first photograph.

In east Hollywood, everybody goes to The Rustic Inn to watch college football. As our discerning readers will note, The Rustic has breakfast specials for those of us who like to watch a Big-10 game out here in the morning. As the second and third pictures show, The Rustic Inn has both excellent breakfast and lunch specials.

The Rustic Inn will cater to any palate. As an example, IaM was extremely hurting the other day, and I felt the need to slam Eggs Benedict and a Bloody Mary. No problem. One can order essentially any type of breakfast imaginable, with a Bloody Mary, for $7.50. Now, my dear FPT readers, that is a deal. The cocktail alone would cost $5.00. In point of fact, refer to the fourth photograph.

One will see another american classic; namely, ham and eggs. A guy I happened to be babbling with on my right was gracious enough to allow this writer to take a photograph of his breakfast. Although this writer believes that ketchup is a white-trash condiment, my damage-controlling companion used such condiment sparingly. One will also note the Home Fries. They are indeed delectible. The Rustic makes them with green peppers and onions(in addition to my damage-controlling companion's breakfast, note the Bloody Mary).

Breakfast from The Rustic and about three of those Bloody Mary's will take the edge off almost any sin a boy could commit. In the fifth picture we see the damage-controlling libation for IaM.

It went down well, believe me. Moving on to the sixth picture, we see breakfast for IaM.

My apologies for slamming it before I took the picture. However, I was hurting badly and needed to consume foodstuffs. As an aside, as previously discussed, those are Eggs Benedict. In the next photograph, we see another American classic properly prepared by The Rustic Inn; sausage and eggs.

Another patron was gracious enough to allow me to take a photograph of his breakfast. This writer has not actually partaken in the powering of sausage and eggs at The Rustic. But, wouldn't you admit that a glance at that breafast makes you salivate in the same way you did when you had a sweet hooker when you were sixteen years of age?

Moving along to the next photograph, we see the purveyor of these damage-controlling foodstuffs, Lexi. Many think that her boobs are fake. Not IaM. IaM had the pleasure of feeling them in the pantry once. Believe me, they are real. The tattoo on her butt is real, too (photograph will follow after my party a week from Friday).

EDITOR'S NOTE: The opinions/observations of our columnists are their own - we neither endorse or disbelieve - we just print.

In the last photograph, we see an American Institution; IaM and NN, doing what we do best.

Lexi was kind enough to take the photograph for this writer. If an intelligent reader will note, we both appear to be in good spirits. This is due to spirits and breakfast at The Rustic. As an aside, should a reader not know me as well as other readers, IaM is on the left, and NN is on the right. Well, I hope you enjoyed my exposition of preparation for college football season as much as I did slamming it.

Take care and eat your GD fruits and vegetables. IaM

New Madden 11 - EA Sports - Doritos Stadium Nacho Flavor

BREAKING DORITOS NEWS: a new partnership with EA Sports/Madden Football 11 & Doritos has given us two new flavors to savor: Tailgator BBQ & Stadium Nacho.

Since the FPT test kitchen is so full of still sealed chip bags - we sent out for the Stadium Nacho bag to review first. Our team found them to be like a milder version of their Nacho Cheese flavor - standard solid cheesy chip - but not all that unique. For fans of the EA game - evry bag has a code on the front to use online for free collector's cards. What we find confusing is that the bag reads use your 9 digit code printed on the bag - but our code is 13 numbers long with a letter on the end? Also, what is to prevent some character from going into a store and using their phone to snap pics of all the codes they can and have at it - with actual bag buyers getting home to find their code allready used? We sense some issues re. this code method.

Bottle Caps Candy - Vintage Candy Favorite Available Again Via Willy Wonka

Team FPT gives out a large feedbag yell to Willy Wonka Candy Co. for bringing back the candy that p'owned the 70's - "Bottle Caps". These are sold in a box - those of you old enough to remember the original will recall they came in a lil bag like M&M's (but just a little bigger). Katy (FPT staffer) says that she remembers a 7-up flavor in the 1970's, we have sent this to our fact-checker Melvin for authentication.

These are very close to the originals. They taste like soda flavors and have the look of a bottle cap as they should. When you see these buy 2 bags and enjoy.

AD-HOC CONTEST: whomever can name the man whose eyes we have covered with the bottle caps candy will win a prize from the FPT. Also - to clarify, we are not mocking the man in the photo - actually it's the exact opposite - we truly respect his authority. Just happened that one of his books was next to us during the taste trials (there is a subtle hint in that last sentence for you.)

KFC - Colonel Sanders Sandwich Box - What's Really Going On?

Maybe it is just us, but does it not look like the two pressed down box-tabs are right where the Colonel's nipples would be?

KFC Doublicious New Chicken Sandwich Team FPT Review

The new sandwich from KFC combos up a boneless chicken filet, bacon, cheese, and is held together with a sweet Hawaiian Bread bun. We received a big flyer full of coupons at the FPT test kitchens - one of which was for this new Doublicious sandwich for 2.99. We did like that the coupon allowed for 2 at this price - that is unusually good! As you know our standard rule is to always buy 2 of everything - always and everytime.

What was unusual was that they toast the bottom bun - and one of ours was placed upside down in the container. We found it very confusables. The sandwich was decent - clean chicken meat with no gristle found. The bacon was of decent quality as well as the cheese. As for the sweet hawaiian bun, we forgot about that part and did not notice the flavor as we sampled thru.

Our Team FPT take on this sandwich is that the portion is kind of small and overall we found it fair' to middlin'. Quality was up to par - but without the coupon and the 2.99 price - we would not be ordering this based on costs.