Sunday, March 07, 2010

Mongo Mongologues #10: He Returns - With Bloody Mary Recipe Blabber!

Dear FPT readers,
I heard through the grapevine that some of you actually wondered where the hell I am and what the hell I'm up to. I also heard that some of you have requested new recipes from IaM. Well, let's get down to basics, first. I am alive and well. Dr. Sundaram will confirm this. I have been staying away a bit from The Big Fish (a dive bar that serves Coors Light on tap) because Glendale PD has been scouring the area, trying to keep derelicts like I am out of their city. Otherwise, all is essentially well.

Today, we will not discuss lamb or the other white meat. Nor will we discuss beef, or the cuts therefrom. Today, we will discuss booze. As some of our readers know, I rarely touch hard booze. But, I am an expert. I tended bar for some time. I would like to impart to my readers the best recipe for a Bloody Mary known to God, FP and e, with a California twist no less.

The best way to enjoy a Bloody Mary is to prepare correctly. This normally involves going out to a dive bar on Saturday night and getting totally lit. Then, come morning, one needs to do some damage control. This is where the Bloody Mary a la Mongo can come in handily. The best recipe for Bloody Mary mix that I have ever tasted was at the dinner house at which I worked.

When making Bloody Mary mix, one must first keep in mind the "does and don'ts." On the "do" side, one should start with Glorietta tomato juice. One can substitute with Campbell's, but Glorietta is the best.One must add Lea and Perrins. Do not substitute from this brand. Our knowledgeable connoisseurs will then add lime juice, celery salt, and pepper.

On the "don't" side, we here at the FPT strongly discourage the use of Tabasco sauce. Yes, it does provide a quick source of spiciness. However, the vinegar therein always leaves a bad taste in our readers' palates. We also discourage the use of regular pepper. Tantamount, we here at the FPT insist that a proper Bloody Mary does not contain MSG. MSG is a cheap fix and not good for the health of our readers.

Those are the basics. Now, here is the best recipe I have ever tasted. This is an institutional sized recipe, but can be cut back to size. Take a one-gallon glass jar. This is important because glass does not impart flavour to the mix ("flavour" for our overseas friends). Add two large cans of Glorietta tomato juice. Add one can of Campbell's Beef Broth (do not ever substitute). This is also extremely important for the reason that you will probably be hurting when you request a Bloody Mary, and beef broth injects some food into the equation. Add one small bottle of Lea and Perrins. Again, do not substitute. Add one and a half ounces of lime juice. Lemon juice is a decent substitute. Add a tablespoon of celery salt. Now comes the trick. How will this mix be spicey? Add one tablespoon of black, cracked pepper. This gives the mix a beautifully spicey taste without the taste of vinegar. Having thrown all of the ingredients into your glass jar, there is one more secret: One must let the mix sit for at least a half a day. This allows the full flavour of the cracked pepper to permeate the mix. Oh, yea... Don't forget to shake the ingredients well before you stash the mix in the 'fridge. Oh, fuck, I almost forgot the garnishments. Garnish this delectable damage-controlling cocktail with a celery stick, a lime wedge, and a fully cooked shrimp. Add vodka to taste (the subject of vodka shall be expounded upon in a subsequent edition of the FPT).

I hope you enjoy this excellent cocktail.

IaMongo

8 comments:

Skep said...

I would like to add my own personal "thumbs up" to this magnificent Bloody Mary recipe. My local grocery only stocked Albertson's brand tomato juice; and despite to a possible inebriation-induced misquotation on the type of salt (celery vs. garlic), the recipe was a major hit and is sure to become a legend in Mariposa county. Thanks again, Mongo!

Nancy Cam#87574385353 said...

Mongo!
My little group of gals is glad to see you back on the mongologues thing you do!

etathed said...

I don't do anything that involves tomato juices. Thats just gross to me.

USA!

Yancy said...

Congatulations! Mongologue #10 is very striking! Did you get The Reconnection?

Gnome Sayin' said...

The origin of the Bloody Mary is disputed. Fernand Petiot is said to have invented the drink in 1921 while working at the New York Bar in Paris, France, later to become Harry's New York Bar[1] a frequent hangout for Ernest Hemingway and other American expatriates. Another story is that it was originally created by George Jessel around 1939. In 1939, Lucius Beebe printed in his gossip column "This New York" one of the earliest U.S. references to this drink, along with the original recipe: "George Jessel’s newest pick-me-up which is receiving attention from the town’s paragraphers is called a Bloody Mary: half tomato juice, half vodka."

iPhone person said...

I am going to my local store to pick up these ingrediants. Sounds like a great recipe! Thanks mr mongo!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. Skep tried Albertson's brand. Worked okay? (Could be from the same purveyor).

Well, Iam glad my readers enjoyed my most recent column.

If you noted, I said that I would discuss vodka next.

Shall I? I know how it's made, famous mis-understandings about it, and so on.

Let me know.

IaM

Anonymous said...

I got the shits from it thank you very much!