I heard through the grapevine that some of you actually wondered where the hell I am and what the hell I'm up to. I also heard that some of you have requested new recipes from IaM. Well, let's get down to basics, first. I am alive and well. Dr. Sundaram will confirm this. I have been staying away a bit from The Big Fish (a dive bar that serves Coors Light on tap) because Glendale PD has been scouring the area, trying to keep derelicts like I am out of their city. Otherwise, all is essentially well.
Today, we will not discuss lamb or the other white meat. Nor will we discuss beef, or the cuts therefrom. Today, we will discuss booze. As some of our readers know, I rarely touch hard booze. But, I am an expert. I tended bar for some time. I would like to impart to my readers the best recipe for a Bloody Mary known to God, FP and e, with a California twist no less.
The best way to enjoy a Bloody Mary is to prepare correctly. This normally involves going out to a dive bar on Saturday night and getting totally lit. Then, come morning, one needs to do some damage control. This is where the Bloody Mary a la Mongo can come in handily. The best recipe for Bloody Mary mix that I have ever tasted was at the dinner house at which I worked.
When making Bloody Mary mix, one must first keep in mind the "does and don'ts." On the "do" side, one should start with Glorietta tomato juice. One can substitute with Campbell's, but Glorietta is the best.One must add Lea and Perrins. Do not substitute from this brand. Our knowledgeable connoisseurs will then add lime juice, celery salt, and pepper.
On the "don't" side, we here at the FPT strongly discourage the use of Tabasco sauce. Yes, it does provide a quick source of spiciness. However, the vinegar therein always leaves a bad taste in our readers' palates. We also discourage the use of regular pepper. Tantamount, we here at the FPT insist that a proper Bloody Mary does not contain MSG. MSG is a cheap fix and not good for the health of our readers.
Those are the basics. Now, here is the best recipe I have ever tasted. This is an institutional sized recipe, but can be cut back to size. Take a one-gallon glass jar. This is important because glass does not impart flavour to the mix ("flavour" for our overseas friends). Add two large cans of Glorietta tomato juice. Add one can of Campbell's Beef Broth (do not ever substitute). This is also extremely important for the reason that you will probably be hurting when you request a Bloody Mary, and beef broth injects some food into the equation. Add one small bottle of Lea and Perrins. Again, do not substitute. Add one and a half ounces of lime juice. Lemon juice is a decent substitute. Add a tablespoon of celery salt. Now comes the trick. How will this mix be spicey? Add one tablespoon of black, cracked pepper. This gives the mix a beautifully spicey taste without the taste of vinegar. Having thrown all of the ingredients into your glass jar, there is one more secret: One must let the mix sit for at least a half a day. This allows the full flavour of the cracked pepper to permeate the mix. Oh, yea... Don't forget to shake the ingredients well before you stash the mix in the 'fridge. Oh, fuck, I almost forgot the garnishments. Garnish this delectable damage-controlling cocktail with a celery stick, a lime wedge, and a fully cooked shrimp. Add vodka to taste (the subject of vodka shall be expounded upon in a subsequent edition of the FPT).
I hope you enjoy this excellent cocktail.